Which means is actually to hate

Self-hatred: signs and help

The thought I hate myself is more destructive than almost any other. More pronounced Self-loathing is an internal conflict with oneself that affects every area of ​​life and leads to problems everywhere. Your perception is only focused on your own weaknesses, mistakes and inadequacies, your self-image could not be more negative. Self-hatred is the strongest expression of self-rejection great dangers for physical and mental health. Affected people are often caught in a downward spiral of their own thoughts and negative emotions, which further intensifies self-hatred. Fortunately, however, there can be ways out to put aside the felt hatred to learn to appreciate yourself again ...

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Self-hatred: What it means to hate yourself

A neutral and objective definition of self-loathing is: it is strongest expression of self-rejection of a person and thus the exact opposite of self-love. The self-hatred goes far beyond pure self-doubt, which can often go hand in hand with it, but can hardly be compared with the real contempt for oneself.

Even if this declaration is completely correct in terms of content, it hardly gives an idea of ​​which one Effects of self-loathing for those affected. Whoever hates himself lives every second with tormenting thoughts and feelings that he is bad himself and is to blame for everything that happens to him. To make matters worse is the thought of not having deserved better.

Particularly perfidious: You can deal with self-hatred don't escape just like that. Problems with other people can be resolved through a discussion - or the contact is either completely or at least ceased as far as possible. Avoid the trigger and move on to more positive things. Not an option if you hate yourself.

So self-hatred means one daily struggle in all areas of life. Regardless of whether at work or in your free time, the hatred and rejection of everything that you stand for is a constant companion and influences every thought, every feeling and every decision.

What are the causes of self-hatred?

No person is born with self-loathing, nor does it arise by itself or entirely without cause or trigger. It is almost always this one in the childhood to find. The experiences that are made there are known to be formative for the entire life and have a great influence on the development of the personality. Unfortunately, this is not always positive, because the young years can also lay the foundation for great self-hatred.

How exactly the triggers look like in childhood can be very different. They bear great responsibility Caregivers, above all, of course, the parents and family, but also the circle of friends. If a child is conveyed that they are not good enough, that they cannot meet the expectations, or that they constantly make mistakes, they will take them on Mindset and attitude Sometime. In the beginning, doubts arise and self-confidence suffers. If other impulses are missing in the long term and the image is further strengthened, self-loathing then develops.

Bullying, lack of social contact and isolation, as well as physical and emotional abuse are possible causes of self-hatred. In these cases it is emotional triggers. But self-hatred can also arise on a physical level if, for example, beauty ideals cannot be met.

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Symptoms and signs of self-loathing

Self-hatred does not necessarily show itself through clear symptoms. If you have real hatred of yourself, you understand the problem, but it is much more common disturbed relationship to oneself by various other signs and symptoms.

You should interpret these correctly in order to be able to combat self-hatred in the next step. On the following symptoms you should pay particular attention to:

  • No self-confidence

    If you hate yourself, you cannot have confidence. You don't trust yourself, you are convinced that you will fail at everything and that you are fundamentally inferior to everyone else.

  • Strong feelings of guilt

    Unpleasant and bad things happen to everyone. Self-hatred is shown by blaming yourself for everything. This applies to your own mistakes, decisions, behavior or character traits - but also when you have absolutely no control over something and therefore cannot help it.

  • Lots of fears

    Self-hatred is regularly accompanied by various fears, which often only arise through one's own rejection. For example, you are afraid of any change because you believe that you are not up to it. For example, the fear of not being good enough and of falling short of expectations is also typical.

  • Negative thoughts

    At its worst, self-loathing can lead to serious depression. The whole of one's own thinking is only determined by the rejection and contempt of one's own person.

  • Self-injurious behavior

    One particularly serious and dangerous sign of self-loathing is self-harm. In the process, aggressions develop that are directed against your own body and acted out. This can show itself through self-inflicted injuries, but also through anorexia or bulemia. In addition to this physical self-harm, it can also turn out differently, for example through self-sabotage or excessive self-criticism in order to harm yourself emotionally.

    It is also conceivable that self-damaging behavior becomes noticeable through the search for a particularly high risk. Behind the self-damaging behavior is the devastating thought of having to punish yourself and having earned it.

This is how you can overcome self-loathing

If you have a lot of self-hatred, especially in the case of self-harming behavior, we strongly recommend that you consult a doctor for professional help. So can a psychological therapy that helps to overcome self-hatred in the long term and to replace it with more positive emotions towards oneself.

But you can do something yourself to escape self-hatred and learn again to appreciate yourself and maybe even develop self-love. We have collected some tipswho can help.

  • Find the reasons for your self-loathing

    The first step should always be to take a closer look at where your self-loathing really comes from. In other words: What about yourself triggers the negative emotions and rejection? This can have something to do with your behavior, characteristics or your appearance. Often it is also a combination of different factors.

    It can be painful to get to the bottom of these points, but it is important and necessary to identify the source of the problem and thus combat your self-loathing.

  • Make yourself aware of your strengths

    If you suffer from self-loathing, this is likely a whole new experience for you. Take a piece of paper and write down all the things you are good at or have been successful at. Start with the things you can think of and add to the list after talking to friends or family. Where do others see your strengths? What are you even envious of?

    Seeing what you are really good at can rebuild lost confidence and show you that there are good reasons to respect and appreciate yourself.

  • Surround yourself with the right people

    Unfortunately, self-hatred is often encouraged by the environment, as the people around you make you feel like you are not good enough, cannot keep up, or simply do not belong. A fresh start can help here, in which you clearly distance yourself from the people around you who are harming you.

    Instead, stick with real friends who stand by you and make you feel good. Banishing negative people from your own life is often difficult, but can be very helpful in developing a new self-image.

  • Do something good for yourself

    Self-loathing makes you believe that it is all yours and you deserve it no better. However, this is precisely what is not the case and you need to learn to internalize this attitude again. Instead of trying to harm and punish yourself, you should reward yourself and do something good. Treat yourself to something that makes you happy or gives you pleasure.

    This also shows you that it is entirely up to you to arouse positive emotions. So you don't have to rely on meeting other people's expectations at all times to be happy.

  • Accept yourself

    Whether you succeed in combating self-hatred depends on you being able to accept yourself again. Exactly as you are. Meaning: you have to understand that you don't have to hate yourself. Neither your looks, flaws or qualities are a reason not to like yourself. All of this makes you who you are and what you are.

    Once you manage to accept yourself, self-loathing will subside and go away. However, don't expect it to be quick or easy. Self-hatred is a distorted perception that has been learned over the years. Accordingly, it will take some time before you can establish new behavior and more positive ways of thinking.

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January 24, 2021Author: Jochen Mai

Jochen Mai is the founder and editor-in-chief of the career bible. The author of several books lectures at the TH Köln and is a sought-after keynote speaker, coach and consultant.

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