What are you sorry for?

9 simple practical exercises to overcome self-pity

"Self-pity is by far the most harmful non-pharmaceutical narcotic, it is addictive, brings a sense of wellbeing for a short time and isolates its victims from reality." - John W. Gardner

Do you have the feeling that everything and everyone is conspired against you Has?

Do you feel yourself declined and treated unfairly?

Do you complain to yourself and other people all the time? your sorrow in front?

Maybe you had an uncomfortable experience and you are now feeling as a victim of circumstances?

And it seems like it doesn't come close to anyone go as bad as you?

Everywhere you watch people, they laugh and sparkle with joie de vivre. Your friends also seem so much better than you and you secretly envy them for their lightheartedness. It just seems unfair to you that everything is going smoothly with them.

Does all of this sound familiar to you?

Then it is high time for yours To crawl out of the self-pity swamp!

I will help you with it!

When you are fed up with feeling sorry for yourself once and for all and want to finally break out of the cycle of self-pity you are spot on here!

In this article I introduce you 9 simple practical exercises that literally catapult you out of the self-pity trap.

I will help you again more confident, more optimistic and more cheerful To look at yourself and your current situation and teach you exercises on how you can deal with self-pity in the future.

Before I introduce you to the practical exercises, I would like to clarify the following question for you:

Table of Contents: This is what awaits you in this article

How to recognize self-pity

Whether and how much you feel sorry for yourself "Infected" you can easily test using these questions.
Self-pity is something that arises from thoughts and the feelings that result from them.

These or similar questions will pop into your head:

  • "Why always me?"
  • "What have I done to deserve this?"
  • "Why are the others always doing better than me?"
  • "Why do other people always have an easier time in life than me?"
  • "What did I do to make me feel like this now?"
  • "Why is life so unfair to me?"
  • "How can it be that others are always lucky and I always have bad luck?"
  • "Doesn't anyone see how bad I am?"

This spiral of thought goes on and on, increasing self-pity.

"The world is unfair!", you think to yourself in the end and sink even deeper into your swamp of self-pity.

Exactly when you are deal intensively with your suffering, you end up in the self-pity trap.

Don't get me wrong, each of us has probably asked ourselves these or similar questions at some point, and this is to a certain extent perfectly fine!

Especially when you have really suffered a bad stroke of fate or have been treated very unfairly or rejected, it is absolutely human to stay for a certain time to feel sorry for yourself.

But long-term seen it will by no means bring you forward on your way!

Namely when it becomes a habit and you are constantly wallowing in self-pity without even realizing it.

And let's be honest:
Do the questions just asked lead you to a solution in any way or do they leave room for even more self-pity?

They do not lead to a solution, on the contrary, because it creates even more self-pity! The more often you feel sorry for yourself and share it with other people, the greater the pain that you feel.

But how does self-pity feel specifically and what are the consequences of strong self-pity?

Before I talk about the exercises, let's get to the bottom of both questions.

How does self-pity feel?

You can use this list to check whether and how much you suffer from self-pity.

Traits that can help you identify self-pity:

  • Little enthusiasm
  • Little zest for life
  • Constant moaning about life
  • Listlessness and lack of energy
  • Persistent fatigue
  • Lack of creativity
  • lonliness
  • hopelessness
  • Victim attitude
  • Inner restlessness and tension
  • Circles of thought

If one or more points match your emotional state, this strongly indicates that you are suffering from self-pity.

In the next step, I will show you what long-term self-pity has for numerous consequences. It is important that you recognize this early on, because self-pity is not only harming yourself, but also the people around you.

Consequences of self-pity

Self-pity is like a slowly creeping poison that takes us more and more, us paralyzes and only makes us think of our apparent disadvantages.

You have probably already thought to yourself that permanent self-pity brings a multitude of consequences with it. But so that you can recognize them early on, I have listed them here for you.

Overview of the consequences of self-pity

  • Self-pity creates new drama
  • Self-pity poisons our feelings and relationships
  • We do through self-pity Finger pointing
  • Self-pity makes us feel like Victim
  • Through self-pity we overlook the beautiful things
  • Self-pity creates Loneliness / isolation(we or others isolate ourselves)
  • Self-pity gives us a constant feeling of disadvantage
  • It is through self-pity that we feel envy
  • Self-pity makes us unpopular
  • Self-pity makes us unpowered
  • Self-pity makes us swoon
  • Extreme self-pity can lead to burnout and depression

As you can see, constant self-pity leads to mental and physical disorders, so it is important to recognize symptoms early.

But how can you avoid these consequences now?

By starting today, more precisely NOW, perceiving things in a completely different light and obviously learning with them "Negative" To deal with experiences better so that self-pity cannot arise in the first place.

So you make room for them again positive and beautiful things in life!

I will help you to find the courage and the strength to pull yourself out of your self-pity and help you to live a more relaxed, optimistic and happier life.

Are you ready?

Then here are my 10 tips for you:

Get Out of Self-Pity: 9 Simple Practical Exercises to Overcome Self-Pity

Exercise 1: Accept the situation

If you feel that you have been treated unfairly in any way and are dissatisfied with the current situation, you do not want to accept the situation and of course you want to change something about it immediately.

That is understandable, but in order to free yourself from your self-pity swamp, it is a matter of accepting the situation first.

Yeah, you heard right. There is absolutely no point in resisting what is, because you cannot undo the situation anyway.

Whatever happened to you or whatever alleged injustice you encountered, there is no point in protesting against it, because it will not change anything about the "injustice".

On the contrary, self-pity will only increase as a result of which valuable energy is withdrawn from you.

So don't fight it, let in all feelings and accept the situation as she is now. This is the first crucial step to dissolve self-pity.

Exercise 2: Break away from assessments

Everyone collects in the course of his life "lovely" and "Less beautiful" Experience and that is part of it.

But what matters is less what happens than how it happens or how we experience it based on our evaluations and reactions.

The situation itself is always neutral, only our reviews make it one "Well" or "bad".

self-pity is therefore not caused by the event itself, but by how we think and feel about that event.

But is it possible that this assessment does not always agree with the facts?

When we feel sorry for ourselves, we usually overestimate an incident and so often just see it a distorted version of it.

We only see the bad and so we often regard the experience as negative, even though it is from considered completely neutral on the outside can be.

Exercise 3: Talk to others about your situation

If you have a hard time a neutral look to throw at your supposed injustice, involve other people.

Get the opinion of others and discuss the experience together.

Notice how they react and what advice give them to you. This can give you a completely different view of things and change your perspective, making it unbelievable Overcoming self-pity contribute.

But try to describe the situation as objectively as possible, without being prone to exuberant emotional outbursts and wallowing in self-pity.

You can ask them the following questions:

  1. How do you feel about the situation?
  2. How would you have rated the experience?
  3. How would you have reacted in my position?

You will surely be surprised at the answers. Perhaps the people come to very different conclusions than you do.

Exercise 4: Be grateful for beautiful things

No matter how bad you are at the moment, I am sure that it will anyway not all bad there in your life - definitely not.

There is certainly also something that YOU can feel gratitude for.

This can be a Be a good friend, family member, pet, or have a nice experience that you fondly remember.

Now consciously direct your gaze to those areas of life that work well and be grateful for them!

Do you manage to appreciate these things in your life, despite what you have experienced? "Wrong"?

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them for yourself:

  • What are you currently satisfied with?
  • What have you achieved so far?
  • What can you be thankful for in your life?

Also ask friends, family, and acquaintances what they are grateful for in their lives. Believe me, you will be amazed at what they can think of.

The more you direct your focus on the beautiful moments, the less attention your self-pity gets, which means that it gradually shrinks, the more often you put yourself in this positive mood.

This will give you more strength and life energy, to look for solutions to your current situation instead of continuing to focus on the problems.

If you now experience yours again from a neutral point of view "Injustice" look without evaluating it, can you possibly get a positive benefit from it?

Think about it for yourself:

  • What positive things could this experience bring with it?
  • What is it possibly trying to point you out?
  • What can you learn from the situation?

Write down any thoughts you might have about it.

Exercise 5: Maintain a good mood and exercise

When you feel sorry for yourself, you feel Anger, frustration or even sadness.

But how do you manage to transform these negative feelings into positive ones?

An easy and effective way to do this is to consciously put yourself in a more positive mood by doing things that give you pleasure.


  • Read a nice book
  • listen to your favorite music
  • or take a walk in nature

One of the best ways to get rid of happiness hormones is Sports to drift. Even if you don't like sports, there is certainly a suitable sport for you. ;)

Here you can really work out and express your feelings.

Through exercise you will recharge your batteries, which will help you deal better with your self-pity.

Exercise 6: Find role models

When you look at yourself and your situation, it seems like the worst in the world. But what do you compare the experience with?

Don't you think that there are people out there who are in a much more precarious position than you are?
Check once if your situation is really as bad as you currently see it.

It is very likely that you are exaggerating the scope of the situation and underestimating your options.

Your own problems can suddenly seem much smaller to you if you look at them from a different point of view, from a higher perspective, so to speak.

In order to better deal with your suffering and to exchange ideas about what you have experienced, it makes sense to look for like-minded people who have experienced something similar to yours.

Either you talk to people around you who are in a similar situation to yours or you do some research on the Internet for experience reports or exchange ideas on forums with people who also have to nibble on self-pity or who have perhaps already overcome it.

Find out the following:

  • How did you deal with it?
  • Did you find a way out? And if so, how?
  • What strategies are there to overcome self-pity?

Role models can be an incredible support when it comes to finding a way out of self-pity that others have already walked before you.

Exercise 7: Use the here and now for images of the future

An important part of overcoming self-pity is staying in the here and now. What has happened has happened and cannot be undone.

At that moment it shouldn't matter to you anymore.

It's about thinking about what you are NOW can do so that you will be better off in the future.

  • How do you want to feel in the future?
  • What do you have to do now?
  • Who or what could support you?

Picture what it will be like when you are no longer struggling with self-pity, but instead motivated, cheerful and full of energy start the day.

Then you no longer feel like a victim of circumstances, but can look to the future with confidence.

The more vivid your imaginations are, the more motivated you are to finally get active and tackle your life!

Exercise 8: Ask what for instead of why

If something “goes wrong” in your life, for example in your relationships or at work, and you feel set back, the question of “why?” Quickly arises.

  • "Why did this happen to me?"
  • "How could it possibly come this far?"
  • "Why didn't it work?" "Why always me?"

But the question of why is anything but productive, because if you always think back to the past and compulsively try to find the cause of your problems, your self-pity will only increase because you rewind what you have experienced over and over again.
Of course, it is important to look for the causes in order to learn from them, but it is important to look ahead and not constantly look for solutions in the past.
Instead, ask for that "What for?"

The question of what for takes on a completely different meaning than the why and changes your view of things. If you ask what for, the experience changes "Wrong" suddenly in an important step on your life path, from which you can learn and from which you can grow.

That gives you courage and gives you hope to solve the situation, to escape the self-pity trap.

Exercise 9: Develop self-compassion instead of self-pity

With self-pity, the focus is on feeling sorry for yourself and feeling sorry for yourself.

But instead of feeling sorry for yourself, what you can do is develop self-compassion.
Instead of asking yourself what you did to deserve the injustice, you can understand your situation and come to a solution more quickly

That kind of self-confidence is much more effective than self-pity, because this results in a much more understanding and caring way of dealing with one's own feelings and one's strengths and weaknesses.

Self-compassion can help you free yourself from your victim role and take responsibility for yourself and your life again, instead of blaming others and holding them responsible for your suffering.

Out of self-pity and into life!

Now you know valuable practical exercises to deal with self-pity differently from now on and not to accumulate new self-pity in the first place.
Implement the 9 practical exercises, integrate them into your life and you will soon notice profound changes. Not only in you, but also in the outside world.

Use your energy instead of complaining, now for the realization of your goals.

Pitying yourself a little every now and then and licking your wounds is perfectly fine, just don't make it a habit.

There will always be situations that you don't like at first sight and it will happen that people don't say what you want to hear, but it is your decision how you deal with it from today!

Accept every situation as it appears and do not waste your precious life energy by getting upset about it and feeling sorry for yourself.

Instead, focus back on the positive things in your life and be grateful!

It is up to you what you direct your attention to, how you evaluate the situation (whether you rate them at all) and how you react.

Go with the flow of life and you will see something magical happen: Self-pity turns into joy of life.

I wish you all the best on your journey!

/ 6 Comments / by Tim Hamer