Can you ever trust a pathological liar

My friend is a pathological liar!

  • >: (>: (> :( Wow, I'm soooo angry right now .. My friend is a liar, he lies, lies, lies, always ... He doesn't cheat on me or anything, but he lies, about little things, but consistently .. I can really freak out .. What do you do with someone like that? You would still say of the grass that it is purple .. A simple example: cream cheese! He says: You like the ...
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  • Hi Sara,

    I know that too well. I've been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years ... and he's the same.

    But I already knew that he was like that because he always lied about his ex. Really tough things: at the weekend we were visiting a friend (really just a good friend, but his ex was extremely jealous of all the girls) and told her he was with a friend, etc.

    When I got together with him, I immediately told him: if you lie to me THAT blatantly, I'll be gone. lying in itself, but so far he has never really been able to get out of the habit. since i'm a person who has problems trusting others anyway, he made it very, very difficult for me, especially at the beginning. he lies about things, you ask yourself: huh? the truth wouldn't have been bad either? they are just so trivial things.

    The turning point came some time ago ... it turned out that he lied to me about a thing that really hurt me and that was really bad: before we were together, we had a romance. i have already seen it as a relationship, but at the time he kept emphasizing that he still needed time, did not want to commit, and that we had no obligations to the other. it turned out that during this time he had two more things with his ex-girlfriend ... the fact itself was not so bad, because the romance status created clear relationships, but that he didn't do it for me in retrospect I think it's much worse. I had asked him so often: "Did you have something with her again after you broke up?" and he always said no. my trust has crumbled as a result. and he wrote me letters, pleading with me that he didn't have any feelings for me then and that is why he did so, and now I have become more and more important to him and he loves me, can no longer imagine a life without me ... He was afraid of ruining everything through the truth, through something that was so irrelevant for today. and that today he could never lie to my face so coldly about such blatant things.

    we had a lot of conversations and he understood that his constant lying about little things ruined all trust. because now I keep asking and saying "but back then you also lied to me about the matter and now you lie to me all the time ... how do I know that you are not hiding much more from me ??" it shocked him so much and scared him so much that I doubt his love so much that he promised me to change 180 degrees.

    so far it works quite well. I have to say that I always saw through most of his lies because he is not a good liar. Even with the thing from back then, I was absolutely sure that something had worked. because i seem to be able to rely on my gut feeling, it doesn't feel that bad. because my gut feeling now also tells me that he loves me and that we can tackle the "project of lying" together and get it behind us.

    oh, he also said that the reason for his lies were always that he was just not used to it. he thinks it's the easier way and doesn't want to hurt people either ... that he hurts you a lot more by lying, he has now (hopefully) understood.

  • Oh yes, everything sounds familiar to me. We kept these promises for a maximum of 3 weeks, then everything was back to the old ones. Each time the topic came up anew until he was just annoyed at the end. He still lied.

    I wish you all the best that it works. Unfortunately I lost my man for life as a result.

  • You can't help social people .. because I think that they often believe what they say themselves. My ex was also one of those people who lied to me for years and was incredibly convinced of his stories ...

    I thought it was very bad and at some point I stopped responding to his words and just let him babble ...

    Of course I also asked him what these shitty lies should always be but how you introduce yourself ... he never lied etc ...

    But that's exactly how it was and I hated it ... luckily I have nothing more to do with the KErle ...

    Well, but I still have a colleague who is also a notorious liar .. HAMMER what he has already experienced and so .. there you just stand by and think your part .. and during the break there is blasphemy .. I ask myself always if he really doesn't notice what he's doing to himself with it?

    With him it is said, for example, that he is constantly broke because his wife spends all the money .. the marriage seems to be completely screwed up by the two of them ..

    In any case, he has now supposedly bought a new car which should be ready in 6 months and a house purchase is already planned .. I ask myself, the guy who cheats on his wife with what do I know how many women cheats, takes drugs, etc. whether he notices at all what he babbles ... (was just a current excerpt from his stories ... there is still a lot more to suffer ...

  • Oh my goodness, this kind of human being is probably widespread! I had already had very bad experiences with it. Not with my boyfriend but with a girlfriend. We used to be very fat, but over time I began to have doubts. She often told me the same story in 5 variations. When I asked her about it, she talked herself out of it again with lies. And when we didn't know what to do next, she simply said she couldn't remember.

    You lied in a huge range. From small "white lies" to real hammers. She told me she stopped taking the pill because she and her boyfriend wanted to try to have a baby. Man, I was really happy for her and practically fiddled with her. Until 3 months later I realized that it was all drowned out and made up.

    She hurt me so much that I kept my distance from her. Meanwhile I don't believe what she says anymore. I've got myself a kind of tank and switch to draft when she speaks.

    Unfortunately this is always a bit more difficult with a friend. I can't advise you, Sarah, to leave him or anything. Only you have to think about whether you can trust him at all if he lies about things like "going away" and "girls". Is that a good foundation for a lasting relationship? Well, I do not know...:-/

  • With this species of man I also had the "pleasure"% - |. It was a disaster, and it was instrumental in our separation.

  • Hey Sara, that's definitely a start! I hope that you get through that, you just have to distract yourself a lot and write everything that concerns you here, that's what a forum is for!

  • To all the casual liars who have come out here or not:

    Your mini-lies, irrelevant as they are, are disrespectful. And at the same time make you appear spineless.

    Both are the worst things you can do to an interpersonal relationship, whether mom-son or sibling or love.

    What speaks against: "I'm sorry, I forgot it" (eg cellar door) or "But it is more important to me to shave while the water is running than to save water"? too cowardly?

  • My ex was one of them too. At first I wasn't so sure. At some point I really wondered whether I had hallus somehow. But then I was very sure. His life consisted of lies all the time.

    The most glaring example: He still has a sister. She came head over heels to the clinic. Colon cancer. The mother 70 years. Her husband, i.e. his father, was at the same time about 80 km from here in a special clinic. One of his legs was removed.

    One can imagine how the elderly lady struggled. He drove her to her father's clinic a few Saturdays.

    Any Saturday it didn't work.

    His stomach! (As is so often the case, when something did not suit him, he had a stomachache)


    I drove the mother. I was even happy. I finally got one foot in the family. I hardly knew them all because my ex, for whatever reason, kept us apart.

    So I'm off with her and it was very exhausting. She cried. Was at the end. I was challenged quite a bit.

    The next Saturday the good guy had a stomachache again. So I drove again.

    And on the third Saturday too. The nurse was out of the clinic in the meantime. But was with the mother. Chemotherapy, etc. She couldn't be left alone. I drove to the house. The mother was already outside. Looked at me horrified and asked where my ex was. I was wondering. Well at home ...

    She scolded. That can not be true. He wanted to stay with the sister for the rest of the time and go out with the dog. She trotted back. Got the dog. So he had to go again.

    When I got to the clinic, I called my ex. What is that supposed to? He's so completely innocent: I've completely forgotten that. Sorry? We were there the night before. And she asked him to stay with his sister the next morning. I hadn't noticed.

    And did he just forget that?

    No no!

    And even my mother and sister said to me that he only pushes his pain forward because he doesn't feel like it.

    And that's what I think fucks up.

    Then you should be honest and say what is fact.

    We wanted to have a drink. Celebrate a little anniversary. He came home and said he didn't know if it was going to work. His stomach. Or the back? Yes, sometimes my back twitched too. In the meantime, I was getting ready anyway. Sat nicely made up on the terrace and waited for him to wake up. At some point he came to me. Cigarette on. Not a word.

    I asked what was now. It's not working. Too much pain. Just the fact. that he didn't say anything by himself made me angry.

    And so it went all the time.

    And I have my firm principles. Degree to my partner I am mercilessly honest. I can't help it. I would be so sorry for anything else. You can also convey honesty in such a way that it doesn't hurt.

    And I also wish for an honesty in return.

    Tiny mini-lies, sometimes, in very rare exceptional cases, okay. But everything else, no thanks.

    And a man with whom I notice things like this one more time flies mercilessly out of my life.

    I think it's really bad when you have to keep thinking about whether you've been lied to or not.

    On the subject of stomach ache. My ex complained at every opportunity. It was my fault. Relationship stress. Blah. He sits and moans. But feed one cheese bread thick with kechtup on it after the other. And the zgaretten, they also just taste wonderful. And the cola first.

    Never again do I want such a lying baron in my life. I'm suspicious anyway. But because of him, my trust was totally destroyed for the time being. Unfortunately, I and my new friend feel that very clearly.

    You have to decide for yourself whether you want to deal with it or not. Lying can be pretty damn normal for some people. If you don't get along with it, then leave him. Sooner or later it makes you unhappy. That `s not worth it. Your life should consist of nicer moments than worrying about him and his truths.

  • You really speak to me from the soul! It gets especially bad when neglected. For example, I hate it at all when I go to sleep in the evening and know my partner is still coming, but I don't know when. Well, if I can roughly estimate, that's okay. But when I don't even know whether he's coming or not, I wake up every few hours. The third time I can't fall asleep either. I then asked him to just write me a text message, no matter when, the main thing is during the night so that I know. "Yes, no problem, I'll write to you before midnight." I woke up half the night again, fell asleep at some point, woke up after 3 hours at 9 a.m.: no one there, no text messages, nothing. Then I didn't do anything the whole day. No phone call, no apology. Nothing. I bet he'll be standing by my bed sometime tonight, saying he's sorry and that he's going back home now. Can something be? And that wasn't just the first time. That went on for 2 weekends with a total of 5 nights. That got to me. I don't want to throw him out because we're separated but we're having a baby (so I'm pregnant and I really need sleep!). He didn't manage to think of me for a moment and send me a text message ONCE. He'd rather come back every time with the promise that he'll think about it the next time. I hate it!!!

  • Hey dear ones,

    thank you for your contributions ...

    Those are pretty blatant stories I really can't understand it .. Somewhere it is a "male behavior" to want to make life easier for oneself by lying ... Even if there are certainly enough women who are dishonest But I didn't think that would really happen that often ...

    Neele_Maiken, I wish you all the best for your pregnancy, I imagine it to be extremely difficult when you live with someone who you have already made the jump from, who you no longer trust, but who you don't completely get away from can

    To me: I collapsed We talked, argued, paused .. He doesn't want to lie anymore, he wants to show me more respect, he wants to make an effort .. I don't know if it will work out .. After all, it's not the first time he says that But right now is also an inopportune time, we live together and I'm currently preparing for an important exam. Maybe I'll just look at it again by the end of the year The bad thing is that he can be totally cute. He also doesn't invent entire storylines, so whole houses of cards are built from lies, but well, he just doesn't tell me everything and then just lies when asked .. And he is nice to me, brings flowers or cooks nice or something .. but then he lies to me an hour later and doesn't listen to me when I tell him something .. somehow schizophrenic

  • My ex

    could also be sooo cute.

    Today I'm just disgusted by this oh-so-sweet one.

    Maybe you have better luck.

    I cross my fingers for you

    But keep us up to date

  • Hey Sara,

    I know that only too well (I've done it that way for years). My ex is also fundamentally a really nice and kindhearted person. That's why I "endured" him for so long. But at some point it just ended! Fortunately, we don't live together anymore, but he stays here on a few weekends when he's busy (his parents are divorced, he can't go there anymore). I have no problem with that either, he just keeps making promises etc ... I'm just afraid that he will do the same with his child later and that I will have to catch him every time :(

  • Hey Sara,

    I know that only too well (I've done it that way for years). My ex is also fundamentally a really nice and kindhearted person. That's why I "endured" him for so long. But at some point it just ended! Fortunately, we don't live together anymore, but he stays here on a few weekends when he's busy (his parents are divorced, he can't go there anymore). I have no problem with that either, he just keeps making promises etc ... I'm just afraid that he will do the same with his child later and that I will have to catch him every time :( Let's see what will happen now, At the moment it's radio silence after all that crap on the weekend.

    I wish you, however, that yours might get the curve. I can only advise you not to put too many hopes into the whole thing! Because in the end he will only be able to disappoint you, the more you expect ... Sometimes I got too involved :(

    All the best! We make it

  • Hups, that wasn't on purpose ...

  • @ Sara_HH,

    if I were you I would think about my own behavior!

    Have you ever got the idea that it doesn't matter so much (or totally unimportant) to your boyfriend which girl was there when he was out with some buddies because he loves you?

    @ Alles

    unfortunately i can't understand your opinions at all! I would have fled a long time if I were Sara's boyfriend! It must be a sad relationship!

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