How can I feel sexy again?
How sexy do mothers feel?
liliput-lounge.de: Probably many women feel unattractive and insecure after giving birth, right?
Ann-Marlene Henning: Of course, pregnancy changes the body. Being a mother is also a whole new feeling. There is this little being demanding attention and love. The partner also wants to be noticed. The female brain signals that care is the order of the day. Many women cannot take the time to feel themselves and to discover this new maternal body. And so they become insecure and actually feel not very 'sexy'.
If your own body has become alien to you, how is it possible to develop a feeling for it again?
“Becoming a stranger” is such a thing ... The problem with many women is that their own body was never really known. At least when it comes to sexuality or the genital organs.
Men have it easier there. You see and feel your genitals often. Women have often not even learned to direct their gaze in this direction in themselves. And when everything is different and new again after the birth, many are insecure.
After a birth, the breast feels different, it is plump and full of milk - and as a sexual pleasure zone, it tends to fail at first. The vagina may also feel different. Does it look different too? Many women cannot answer that at all, because, as already said, they did not really make friends with their gender or their own femininity even before the birth.
So the body has not become a stranger to women, it was unknown to them even before they were born?
Exactly. Women often haven't learned to feel themselves. The pleasure places of their own vagina are unknown to them. The basis for this is laid in childhood. What do you call your 'private parts', as the Americans say? Just 'down there'?
Little boys touch their penis, grapple with it. Little girls often don't know what they really look like. How does it actually work? What makes me want? This is a learning process - which often starts too late or not at all. But women can learn that. But it's never too late for a woman to learn. Better late than never!
But when there is such a lack of speech, isn't it very difficult to express one's own sexual desires and needs?
The learning process starts with taking care of yourself. Hardly any woman asks herself 'What do I want? What good can I do for myself? ’. I ask women who come to see me often to make a list of ten things that they enjoy. Maybe read a nice magazine. Or a bath. This makes it very difficult for some to write something that is really only for them. This list should be checked daily. And every day there should be at least one benefit, as many as possible. Just the moment of silence with a coffee with milk and a stroll through the market.
This is how women begin to feel what they like themselves. Suddenly there is also a free space and the perspective can change. It's not about the child or the man, but about your own needs. This must first be implemented in everyday life.
But isn't it selfish when a woman thinks of herself first?
This is a healthy egoism that is necessary even for the whole family. If a woman just thinks: 'I can't take time for myself, I'm a mother!' And never allow herself a little time-out, always putting herself back, then at some point she will be really unhappy. And then, bitchy and with their bad mood, darken the entire atmosphere in the family. Doing something for yourself, maybe doing sports again or just going to a café alone with a friend, that's important for every mother.
And does that affect sex too?
Yes. Because if a woman learns to address her own needs in everyday life, it also has an effect on sex. In bed she may notice: 'Oh, I would like to do that now' and then dares to express this thought. If you feel yourself more, you move differently, because you can train your pelvic floor, take a look and maybe even discover new things.
Especially when there is a baby, that is also a role change. Breastfeeding, swaddling and spit marks on the shoulder - and then the glamorous sex goddess. How is that supposed to work?
It just doesn't work that way. It's not just about time for myself, but also time for us as a couple. What is beautiful sex for me? Does it always have to be the 'gourmet sex' we were talking about? Or is it about closeness, tenderness?
It doesn't always have to be a wild night with tons of orgasms. Sex is very diverse. When you feel your partner, orgasm is not always necessary. Between diapers and breastfeeding there is a different closeness than when a couple gives the baby to grandma and has a rendezvous in the hotel.
The main trap is your own expectations. And lack of communication. Because if a woman is more in the mood for a quickie and the partner wants high heels and lingerie, then it is important not to pretend. Those who only play a role are not with themselves and then feel much less. Glamor sex can be great - but it can only be called that if both of you feel like it.
What about the men anyway? How can you help your wife if she is not feeling well?
You can give your wives islands of time and take care of the child, so that a bath in the tub or coffee with your girlfriend is possible. And you can give your partner daily reinsurance. By saying things that they like about their wife. Encouragement and honest compliments are incredibly important to women.
So can mothers be sexy?
Yes, if you allow yourself to. If you learn to feel your own body, to pay attention to your own needs, you will feel better. It's a process that starts with small steps. And where you shouldn't ask too much of yourself. For example, if you want to lose weight and do more exercise, it is best to come up with a realistic plan. An hour every day? That is such a high demand and paralyzes. Twice a week, on the other hand, is realistic.
When a woman feels better about her body and takes time to explore it as it is. Then she will want to make herself beautiful again - initially for herself. The partner will also find that attractive. Because women who love themselves are very erotic. Even, or maybe especially, when they are mothers.
[custom_author = amh]
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